Hey pple, I'll be away for sometime...... ard a week and a half..... just fyi..... so u noe this blog isn't dead.....

Came across these quotes which are real sad and thus real nice

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Neil Gaiman quotes

The saddest thing in life is loving someone who used to love you.

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

Paulo Coelho quotes

Nathanael West

I just found this I duno, sad and nice, so thought I'd share this with everyone.

"Dear Miss Lonelyhearts-

I am 16 years old now and I don't know what to do and would appreciate it if you could tell me what to do. When I was a little girl it was not so bad because I got used to the kids on the block making fun of me, but now I would like to have boy friends like the other girls and go out on Saturday nites, but no boy will take me because I was born without a nose-although I am a good dancer and have a nice shape and my father buys me pretty clothes.

I sit and look at myself all day and cry. I have a big hole in the middle of my face that scares people even myself so I cant blame the boys for not wanting to take me out. My mother loves me, but she crys terrible when she looks at me.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible bad fate? Even if I did do some bad things I didn't do any before I was a year old and I was born this way. I asked Papa and he says he doesn't know, but that maybe I did something in the other world before I was born or that maybe I was being punished for his sins. I dont believe that because he is a very nice man. Ought I commit suicide?

Sincerely yours,
Desperate

"Giving away a heart can hurt ... having a broken heart can be life threatening, even to the strongest people. But, receiving one is the greatest gift."
Source Unknown

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it."

"Some of the best things in life are total mistakes."
from the movie, "Paycheck"

"A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it."

"True love can blind you but at the same time if you let it, it can also open your eyes."

"No matter how ugly you think you are, that special someone that loves you believes you are the most beautiful and irresistable thing on earth and nothing can ever change that."

"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."
from the movie "Good Will Hunting"

"If you're not willing to sound stupid, you're not worthy of falling in love."
from the movie "A Lot Like Love"

"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Whenever in doubt, trust your heart, and not your eye,
Whenever in doubt, trust your heart, and not your mind.

Jamie: How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?
Landon: You're lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It's like the wind. I can't... see it, but I feel it.

Some things can never really be proven to the mind or seen with the eye, the existence of god... the purity of love... One will then need to know how to trust one's heart, to listen to it and to see with it.

Is love selfish?

Perhaps the reason we love is due to an innate need to be needed by someone, to be in total charge for her happiness.

Perhaps this renders meaning to our meaningless lives, because we are needed by someone, our lives became meaningful, we are no longer living solely for ourselves.

To make her smile, to make her laugh, to make her happy would bring you more joy than anything in this world.

To see her sad, to see her cry, to see her tears would bring you more sorrow than any pain in this world.

Selfish? Maybe, because you make her happy because it makes you happy. It is selfishness in a weird sort of way, and again, when it comes to love, everything, anything, is illogical.

Mind vs Heart

Let's not talk about seriousness, cars and all those dreary stuff... It's all getting a little too serious...

In one of my very older posts, I stated the very criterias needed to be the woman of my dreams. But I seriously believe it doesn't work this way. Why? Because once again, love is really unreasonable, illogical. It's all about passion and emotions, it cannot be calculated or measured, and that is why it's of no use thinking about what one's dream partner is. Because when it comes to the crunch, you find yourself falling in love with someone who you never thought you would ever like. Why? Again because before you fell in love, you used your head, the dream partner you calculated up, measured up, was constructed using the mechanics of all your rational brain logic. However, love isn't manufactured up there, it comes from deep down, a place alien to logic, alien to whatever sort of rationalism.

And that is why, we feel confused. How can we fall in love with someone like this!? Because it's our brain, our mind talking. We refuse to believe our hearts. Because our hearts are located deeper down, it's much more difficult to hear their cries.

And that is also why when we use our hearts to love someone, we no longer care about his faults, his bad habits, whatever things you dislike about him because you like him, because you listen more to your heart than your head. Love only emerges when the heart is strong enough to surpress the mind.

So people, don't be confused. The mind and the heart are always at loggerheads. And do not worry, if a person truly likes you with his heart, he doesn't really mind all your bad habits, all your weaknesses because he will always listen to his heart, more than he will listen to his head.

People,

I apologise for being too preachy, too lectury, too boring, too confusing, too long-winded for these past few posts....

I'm in no way superior to anyone so what gives me the right to preach or lecture....

These thoughts are mine and mine alone, I share them with you, they may not be right, and you do not have to accept them, but I definitely have to accept them, for without them, I'd have nothing left...

A very Serious and Confusing Post

"The dwarves and Snow White sit down for a bite. How fast can you guess what she serves her guests next?"



"Seven seconds" is the solution. "The dwarves and Snow White." If there are seven dwarves dining... and she serves seconds, that means "seven seconds." Doctor Lessing is a physician, a very serious person.



This was taken from the movie Life is Beautiful. I think it's in italian, hence the translation of the riddle wasn't too good, but what I want to say is sometimes when one is too serious, it's kinda hard to get the meaning because the person who set the riddle didn't meant it to be looked at that way. To get the answer for the riddle, one has to attuned oneself to the frequency of the setter. It isn't easy, nothing is easy, and we term this term, "understanding".



Words are ambiguous, for it means different things to different people. Therefore, one should never take the meaning of words solely. One has to combine one's understanding of the speaker with the meaning of words to get a better understanding of what the speaker is saying. A fatal error is when we intepret the words said with our own understanding of the words and hence we didn't get the message transmitted by the speaker. Of course, it's a very instinctive act, and that is where most misunderstandings occur. I understand all of the above might prove to be a little confusing, a better writer would have phrased it much more simply, but sometimes, we deliberately set riddles or say things indirectly to see if the listener gets you. It's sort of a test to see who's on the same wavelength as you are. And when you find that someone, talking becomes much more simpler because not so much effort has to be put into making the meaning clear.

"Do onto others what you want others to do onto you." That is not totally correct. Let me illustrate with a simple example. It's Steph's birthday, you go shopping for her present. You like dark chocolates, so applying the theory of "doing onto others what you want others to do onto you", you buy her a box of dark chocolates because that's what you want others to buy you. But the problem is, she doesn't like dark chocolates, she likes white chocolates.

Perhaps the link isn't clear, but it's meant to illustrate that we shouldn't think others are like us. Yes, we shouldn't, but being humans, it's such an instinctive action to do so, so I don't think it's any fault of us to do so, that is why I love one of the quote so much. "We are not put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through." If we are less judging, and try to understand and listen more, perhaps that one day might come where we could really see through one another.



And Darn, this talk is getting too serious and dreary for my liking...

Seriously people, if you find all the plain talk on seriousness plain bullshit, please watch the film Life is beautiful and perhaps one might see more light in my words than just plain hollowness.

La vita e bella - (movietrailer)

The most beautiful film! It's sad, funny and terribly beautiful, just like what life is, a definitely must watch film! The most beautiful thing in this film is how the father turns the harsh reality of life into a fun game for his child

Pride - H*A by Keiko Kurubushi

Seriously!

It takes a certain level of maturity to not take things too seriously, to see the lighter side of life.

It takes a certain amount of strength to not take things too seriously, to be able to laugh at one's downfall, and move on with life.

Seriousness is boring.

It takes a certain level of intelligence to not sound serious, to make people happy, and what is more important in life, than the happiness of the closed ones around you.

Therefore, it takes a certain amount of selfishness, to be so serious all the time, for you want respect for yourself, more than you want happiness for your closed ones.

But sometimes, very occasionally, songs and books and films and pictures express who you are, perfectly. And they don't do this in words or images, necessarily; the connection is a lot less direct and more complicated than that. It's a process something like falling in love. You don't choose the best person, or the wisest, or the most beautiful; there's something else going on.

Nick Hornby

Growing UP!

Some people can't wait to grow up. I find that a terribly sad thing.

Some people take everything so seriously. I find that a terribly serious matter.


Oscar Wilde once said, "Life is too serious a thing to be taken seriously." Something like that, I forgot the exact phrasing. He also said, "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." Now now people, serious people, do not direct your anger at me, it is he, the great Oscar Wilde who said this, not me, the nameless one.


J.M. Barrie: Young boys should never be sent to bed... they always wake up a day older.

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

I would bring myself down to his level. I would talk to him about bridge, and golf, and politics, and neckties. And the grown-up would be greatly pleased to have met such a sensible man.


To my childish friend, it is a beautiful gift you have, to be childish, so cherish it and never lose the child in you. The same goes for all childish people out there, do not lose the child in you, for it is when we are children, that we find life is truly beautiful.

Preaching

In response to the post on ....

I said everything was pointless because success in the coporate world, success in the possesion of material things, success in status etc all boils down to mainly one thing, that we seek to be liked better by others, to be respected, to be acknowleged so that our existence on this earth is worth living.

But the irony of it all is that in the end, what really matters is what we think of ourselves. After spending half or all our lives pursuing, we finally realised that what we are pursuing actually lies inside us all along. That what we are in fact seeking is to be liked better by ourselves.

Anyway, I believe to be respected by others, first of all, one has to respect oneself.

Also, the envy of others is only a short-term ectasy that will dissolve with time.

Sounds very preachy eh.. Age is catching up, if you don't like to be preached to, skip this post.

The strength of the dark force

It's snowing...

Have you ever counted the number of sad songs to happy songs? If you haven't realised by now, the sad ones far outnumber the happy ones, and I guess that is the way how it goes in life too.

When listening to a song or music, which gets to you more? Which touches your heart more? My guess are the sad ones too, for I feel that sadness has a far greater intensity than happiness. That is, the intensity of pain is far far greater than the intensity of elatedness. We feel much more when we are in pain than when we're happy. Some of us became addicted to this because we became addicted to feeling. And perhaps it is feeling such strong intensity of feelings that make us feel alive so even though we are suffering so much, we enjoy the suffering too for it makes us feel. And that is what I call a true blue sadist.

Yes, I'm a sadist, a bloody one, so if you are affected in anyway negatively, please stop reading for I do not want to introduce any more additional sadness into this sadistic world but if you are looking to add on to your collection of pain so that you can feel more, please keep on reading for I believe my wallowing will go on for a long long time. Sadness is eternal... Happiness is merely an illusion, because according to dear old MR Newton, what goes up must come down, what is happy will eventually be sadder. That is the law of gravity, and there is NO NO exception.

The Little Prince

Written and illustrated by
Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Translated from the French by Katherine Woods

TO LEON WERTH

I ask the indulgence of the children who may read this book for dedicating it to a grown-up. I have a serious reason: he is the best friend I have in the world. I have another reason: this grown-up understands everything, even books about children. I have a third reason: he lives in France where he is hungry and cold. He needs cheering up. If all these reasons are not enough, I will dedicate the book to the child from whom this grown-up grew. All grown-ups were once children--although few of them remember it. And so I correct my dedication:

TO LEON WERTH
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY

Chapter 1

Once when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book, called True Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest. It was a picture of a boa constrictor in the act of swallowing an animal. Here is a copy of the drawing.

In the book it said: "Boa constrictors swallow their prey whole, without chewing it. After that they are not able to move, and they sleep through the six months that they need for digestion."

I pondered deeply, then, over the adventures of the jungle. And after some work with a colored pencil I succeeded in making my first drawing. My Drawing Number One. It looked something like this:

I showed my masterpiece to the grown-ups, and asked them whether the drawing frightened them.

But they answered: "Frighten? Why should any one be frightened by a hat?"

My drawing was not a picture of a hat. It was a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant. But since the grown-ups were not able to understand it, I made another drawing: I drew the inside of a boa constrictor, so that the grown-ups could see it clearly. They always need to have things explained. My Drawing Number Two looked like this:

The grown-ups' response, this time, was to advise me to lay aside my drawings of boa constrictors, whether from the inside or the outside, and devote myself instead to geography, history, arithmetic, and grammar. That is why, at the age of six, I gave up what might have been a magnificent career as a painter. I had been disheartened by the failure of my Drawing Number One and my Drawing Number Two. Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

So then I chose another profession, and learned to pilot airplanes. I have flown a little over all parts of the world; and it is true that geography has been very useful to me. At a glance I can distinguish China from Arizona. If one gets lost in the night, such knowledge is valuable.

In the course of this life I have had a great many encounters with a great many people who have been concerned with matters of consequence. I have lived a great deal among grown-ups. I have seen them intimately, close at hand. And that hasn't much improved my opinion of them.

Whenever I met one of them who seemed to me at all clear-sighted, I tried the experiment of showing him my Drawing Number One, which I have always kept. I would try to find out, so, if this was a person of true understanding. But, whoever it was, he, or she, would always say:

"That is a hat."

Then I would never talk to that person about boa constrictors, or primeval forests, or stars. I would bring myself down to his level. I would talk to him about bridge, and golf, and politics, and neckties. And the grown-up would be greatly pleased to have met such a sensible man.

Lost

I see people everyday, I talk with people everyday and the more I see, the more I talk, the more I feel the emptiness in each and every one of us.

Everyone is so hungry for power, respect, status and most of all, money. Gals want cars, Guccis, to be pretty and beautiful like the stars in the hollywood movies. Guys strive to succeed in the coporate world, because it is what most of us think a successful life should be. To me, everything is so pointless. Is this really what we want? If it is really so, how superficial we are all. What is the point of it all, what is the meaning of it all, just like Alfie's last line in Alfie.

In the eyes of these people, I'm simply a lost sheep, similarly, in my eyes, they are lost sheeps too. I guess we all are sheeps, and we all are lost and as you can clearly see, the most lost of all is me.

Solace

Emptiness... Weariness... Hollowness.. Meaningless...

And that is the way everything goes.. Every happiness you feel, every tinge of joy you experience is merely an illusion, a halucination, it simply means when the illusion peels off, the pain you experience will be greater.

The only way out, is to not feel, not see, not hear, not breathe, and perhaps, that is the only place where solace can ever be found

PRIDE

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life


Beautiful lyrics..., from the theme song of PRIDE, and originally sang by Queen

You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? Is when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like 'Hey, I'm glad you're gone'.


Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?


Well, who says relationships have to last forever?


Céline: You know, I've been wondering lately. Do you know anyone who's in a happy relationship?

Jesse: Uh, yeah, sure. You know, I know happy couples. But I think they lie to each other.

Céline: Hm. Yeah. People can lead their life as I lie. My grandmother, she was married to this man, and I always thought she had a very simple, uncomplicated love life. But she just confessed to me that she spent her whole life dreaming about another man she was always in love with. She just accepted her fate. It's so sad. And in the same time, I love the idea that she had all those emotions and feelings I never thought she would have had.

Jesse: I guarantee you, it was better that way. If she'd ever got to know him, you know, I'm sure he would have disappointed her eventually.


Gypsy: You are both stars, don't forget. And the stars exploded billions of years ago, to form everything that is this world. Everything we know, is stardust. So don't forget, you are stardust.


Céline: You know, you hear so much shit about people. I always feel like the general of an army when I start dating a guy, you know, plotting my strategy and maneuverings, knowing his weak points, what would hurt him, seduce him. It's horrible.


I mean, if you had an island, right, and there were 99 women on the island, and only one man, in a year, you'd have the possibility of 99 babies. But if you have an island with 99 men, and only one woman, in a year, you'd have the possibility of only one baby. So...

Céline: So. You know what?

Jesse: What?

Céline: On this island, you know, I think that there will only be, like, maybe 43 men left. Because they would kill each other, trying to fuck this poor woman, you know what I mean? And on the other island, there would be 99 women, 99 babies, and no more man, because they would have all gotten together, and eaten him alive.

But the woman who say "I like a gentle man," aren't worth loving for you. It proves that she is not gentle enough. A woman who has lot of love for her partner won't demand gentleness from the partner.

In a far far away land, there was this island called Neverland. On it, lived a little boy named Peter Pan. He had a group of friends but they were always being pursued by the pirates. In turn, the pirates were always being hunted by the red indians. The indians in turn were hunted by the 'ticking' crocodile who keeps ticking because he swallowed a clock accidentally. All are keeping a sharp look out in front, but none suspects that the danger may be creeping up from behind.

And yes, it is true in reality as well, that time is indeed chasing after all of us yet we are oblivious to this fact.

"Carpe Diem", seize the day, cherish every moment, every one. Do not wait any longer, do the things that you've always wished for, don't keep putting them off. You have only just this one life.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

The way I see it, if one is too scared to love for fear of falling, then one might as well not live at all. And the same goes for my other love, soccer. If one is so scared of losing, that one is always on the defensive, then one might as well not play soccer for there is no longer any joy in it.

Guardians of Love

I have several friends who are perfectionists, who have very high expectations but they do not think their expectations are high at all, that should the way it should be, they say, and rightly, they are too.

Today's post is to salute these friends, for their undying steadfast beliefs in their values. Yes, no doubt one would feel morally inferior among these friends but that is precisely because one is indeed morally inferior. They believe that true love, unconditional love, isn't about playing games, they believe that one should give of oneself unconditionally, they believe in all that what love should really be, they are the guardians of true love and yet so often, they are the ones who are hurt the most.

I salute them. It takes plenty plenty infinite amount of courage to be able practise their beliefs. And that is why I am so certain as most people are too that the world is definitely not fair! Why should these guardians of true love suffer? It's like watching the good guys in the movies die, what fairness is this? So Cupid or whatever god there is that is in charge of the division in the department of love, defend your true believers, for they are the ones that make the world so beautiful! Never ever let the hearts of your guardians bleed again for the corrupted souls in these world.

And to the maker of this world, I believe now is the time to flush out the 'baddies', to reset the world with only these beautiful guardians so that we may no longer know what it means to be sad or heartbroken.

Simple Maths

Some people believe in the one, in destiny, that there is only one person out there for us, tailored specially for us.

I have no comments for that. I think there isn't much point thinking about such things or having such beliefs. But I do know something, that it is very very hard to find a person to like and have that someone like you back. Simply because of the mathematics!

Rough statistics say around 100 people you see, you may like 5. So that gives you a 5% chance of liking that someone everytime you meet a person. Then the probability of liking a person and having that person like you back is 5% x 5%, which gives, 0.25%. So you see, whenever you find your love not reciprocated, it should be very much expected, it is simple mathematics, it is how this world works, so don't be sad, it is just the way of life.

So people, if you ever find a perfect match, cherish it! It doesn't happen very often.

Playing games

When we were young, we played with toys. As we grow older, we run out of toys to play with, so we play with feelings and emotions instead.

Some people are very against the notion of playing games to get love, they say this is not true love, true love shouldn't be so.

I think as all things in this world are, we should practise everything in moderation. Sometimes, even true love needs a little spicing up by playing games to keep the flame going.

And as all things in this world are, too much of everything is no no good. It simply shows that one is more in love with oneself than one's partner.

Jealousy

Jealousy isn't a pleasant trait, but if it isn't overdone (and if it's combined with modesty), apart from its inconvenience there's even something touching about it.

Just as most things in this world are, jealousy is neither good nor bad, it is merely a tool to be used, and whether it'll turn out to be good or bad depends entirely on the user.

A certain amount of jealousy is definitely needed to spice up passion between lovers though perhaps most would beg to differ. Jealousy stems from our love for the other therefore simply put, jealousy co-exists with love just as good has to co-exist with evil. For the engineers and mathematicians out there, a simple translation would be love = jealousy + __ + many others which will be talked about in the next lecture or so.

Seeing jealousy in our special one evokes a wonderful feeling that is indescribable which I'm sure many of you would have experienced from one time to another. But just because we can't put words to that feeling, it doesn't deny the existence of it. Yes, there's just something so beautiful and touching about it, that is, if it is not overdone and combine with modesty.

Perhaps it isn't apparent what I meant by the combination of jealousy with modesty so let me explain. Your girl feels jealous that some other girl was flirting with you a moment ago but she doesn't voice this out. You can feel jealousy erupting inside her but her sense of dignity and pride will not permit her to seek the assurance and conviction of your love for her. You are in fact supposed to do so without being asked or probed. When you tell her she's merely a friend she would say, "Whatever", acting as if it doesn't bother her at all trying to put you down, trying to seek her own revenge for erupting the jealousy in her. If one reads this as an act of jealousy thus an indication of the intensity of her love for you, then one would feel it extremely touching and beautiful. However, some might read it as an act of immaturity and would have missed out on this wonderful feeling that only jealousy+modesty is able to evoke.

...they do not know that they seek only
the chase and not the quarry.

~ Blaise Pascal

Unable to Love

Hey people,

Recently I've been busy, stressed, tired, sad etc etc.... I'm not trying to complain.. Hmm.. Actually I am, but MOSTLY, it's just to apologize for not doing any writings of my own. But Seriously, the passages I've been sharing are the ones I really like and thought them worth reading. Today is no exception, I'm still extremely busy and my soul's almost dehydrated so please enjoy another masterpiece this time from Mr Milan Kundera.

"Nor had she ever asked herself the questions that plaque human couples: Does he love me? Does he love anyone more than me? Does he love me more than I love him? Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe, and save it, have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, demand something(love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company."

The Birth of Feeling

Feelings are not as old as time, just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness...

Having begun to feel, people's desire to feel grew. They wanted to feel more, feel deeper, despite how much it sometimes hurt. People became addicted to feeling.

Nicole Krauss

The History of Love

The first language humans had was gestures. There was nothing primitive about this language that flowed from people's hands, nothing we say now that could not be said in the endless array of movements possible with the fine bones of the fingers and wrists. The gestures were complex and subtle, involving a delicacy of motion that has since been lost completely.

During the Age of Silence, people communicated more, not less. Basic survival demanded that the hands were almost never still, and so it was only during sleep (and sometimes not even then) that people were not saying something or other. No distinction was made between the gestures of language and the gestures of life. The labor of building a house, say, or preparing a meal was no less and expression than making the sign for I love you or I feel serious. When a hand was used to shield one's face when frightened by a loud noise something was being said, and when fingers were used to pick up what someone else had dropped something was being said; and even when the hands were at rest, that, too, was saying something. Naturally, there were misunderstandings. There were times when a finger might have been lifted to scratch a nose, and if casual eye contact was made with one's lover just then, the lover might accidentally take it to be the gesture, not at all dissimilar, for Now i realize I was wrong to love you. These mistakes were heart-breaking. And yet, because people knew how easily they could happen , because they didn't go around with the illusion that they understood perfectly the things other people said, they were used to interrupting each other to ask if they'd understood correctly. Sometimes these misunderstandings were even desirable, since they gave people a reason to say, Forgive me, I was only scratching my nose. Of course I know I've always been right to love you. Because of the frequency of these mistakes, over time the gesuture for asking forgiveness evolved into the simplest form. Just to open your palm as to say: Forgive me.

~ Nicole Krauss

Lust or Love?

Love is simply friendship, set on fire.

Lust is any intense desire or craving for self gratification.

To differentiate between the two, simple. Abstain from the forbidden fruit. Abstain from sex say for 3 months, no, longer, 6 months, to make sure. If after 6 months and you're still in 'love', then you must be in love.

Or, you could enjoy the forbidden fruit. Lust is like eating junk food, they are very very tasty and enjoyable no doubt, but they are hollowy hollow. That is, they don't fill you. They leave you craving for more and more. And the more you eat, the more you crave, much like drinking saltwater. The more you drink, the thirstier you become. Moral: When you're thirsty, don't drink saltwater. When you're horny, abstain from sex.

So, if you are still craving after 'eating', there you got it, it must be lust! Or, another explanation could be that you are just born lusty!

We all know what love is, but when we try to define it, words fail. Without definition, can it be real? But if it's not real, why are millions so lost without it? Is it merely a hallucination conjured up by our thirst for a meaning in life?

Everybody Hurts

(Please turn on your speaker if you haven't done so)

Thank God for music, Thank God for REM, Thank God for The Corrs. They make life so much more tolerable.

I close my eyes. I hear the gentle plucking of the guitar strings, the soothing repetitive harmony, much like the rhythmic breathing of the waves and the breeze.

The chords are simple, but they speak to the heart. It's slowly coaxing the hurting heart, much like a mom coaxing a crying baby. It whispers to you gently, lovingly. It tells you it is really ok to hurt, it tells you it is really ok to cry, and at some parts of the song, it simply cries along with you. "Don't be alone" it says, it puts its arm over your shoulder, and it simply feels with you.

And sometimes, that is really all we need...

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

The Meaning of Meaning

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes"

Romeo and Juliet


"Come and play with me,"
proposed the little prince, "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said,
"I am not tamed."

"AH please excuse me,"said the little prince.
But after some thought, he added:
"what does that mean---'tame'?"

""It is an act too often neglected,"
said the fox.
"It means to establish ties."

"To establish ties?"

"Just that," said the fox.
"to me, you are still nothing more than
a little boy who is just like
a hundred thousand other little boys.
And I have no need of you.
And you, on your part, have no need of me.
To you I am nothing more
than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you will be unique in all the world.
To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . ."

"I am beginning to understand,"
said the little prince.

...

But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," he said.
"I hunt chickens; men hunt me.
All chickens are just alike,
and all the men are just alike.
And in consequence, I am a little bored.
But if you tame me,
it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life.
I shall know the sound of a step that will be
different from all the others.
Other steps send me hurrying back
underneath the ground.
Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow.
And then look:
you see the grain-fields down yonder?
I do not eat bread.
Wheat is of no use to me.
The wheat fields have nothing to say to me.
And that is sad.
But you have hair that is the color of gold.
Think how wonderful that will be
when you have tamed me!
The grain, which is also golden,
will bring me back the thought of you.
And I shall love to listen
to the wind in the wheat. . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince,
for a long time.
"Please---tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied.
"But I have not much time.
I have friends to discover,
and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames,"
said the fox.
" Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things all ready made at the shops.
But there is no shop anywhere
where one can buy friendship,
and so men have no friends any more.
If you want a friend, tame me. . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?
asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox.
First you will sit down
at a little distance from me
-like that-in the grass.
I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye,
and you will say nothing.
Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you will sit a little closer to me,
every day..."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back
at the same hour," said the fox.
"If for example, you came at four o'clock
in the afternoon,
then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy.
I shall feel happier and happier
as the hour advances.
At four o'clock,
I shall be worrying and jumping about.
I shall show you how happy I am!
But if you come at just any time,
I shall never know at what hour
my heart is ready to greet you. . .
One must observe the proper rites. . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected,"
said the fox.
"they are what make one day
different from other days,
one hour different from other hours.
There is a rite, for example, among my hunters.
Every Thursday they danse with the village girls.
So Thursday is a wonderful day for me!
I can take a walk as far as the vineyards.
But if the hunters danced at just any time,
every day would be like
every other day,
and I should never have any vacation at all."


So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near---

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince.
"I never wished you any sort of harm;
but you wanted me to tame you. . ."

"Yes that is so", said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!"
said the little prince.

"Yes that is so" said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox,
"because of the color of the wheat fields."
And then he added:
"go and look again at the roses.
You will understand now
that yours is unique in all the world.
Then come back to say goodbye to me,
and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away,
to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said.
"As yet you are nothing.
No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one.
You are like my fox when I first knew him.
He was only a fox
like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But I have made a friend,
and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarrassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on.
"One could not die for you.
To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think
that my rose looked just like you
--the rose that belongs to me.
But in herself alone she is more important
than all the hundreds of you
other roses: because it is she that I have watered;
because it is she
that I have put under the glass globe;
because it is for her
that I have killed the caterpillars
because it is she that I have listened to,
when she grumbled,
or boasted,
or even sometimes when she said nothing.
Because she is MY rose."


And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye" he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox.
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye,"
the little prince repeated,
so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose
that makes your rose so important.

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--
"said the little prince
so he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox.
"But you must not forget it.
You become responsible, forever,
for what you have tamed.
You are responsible for your rose. . ."

"I am responsible for my rose,"
the little prince repeated,
so that he would be sure to remember."

The Little Prince

Moving On...

"I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on"

Part of the lyrics from the song Way Back Into Love from the movie Music and Lyrics.

To those who are happily in love, you can skip this post for it's about sadness, it's about closure, it's about moving on, it's for those souls who are still lost in the past. But if you do break up someday, which of course I would never ever wish upon you I swear to God, you could return back to read this post.

Toughest things in life:

5) Being stuck in the company of a friend with bad breath.
4) Plucking the courage to talk to the god damn prettiest girl in the pub only to find out she is actually a he.
3) Having to hear yourself being christened another name when trying to defy the law of mathematics by making two become one.
2) Having to break up with someone.
1) The ultimate test of a man, or a woman, Moving On.

To love someone and not have this love reciprocated is one's worst nightmare, it is pain beyond pain, pain beyond description. Would we ever wish it on anybody? (Hmm.. Perhaps on our worst enemies) But I believe most people wouldn't. Then all the more we wouldn't wish it to befall on the very one whom we so deeply loved, the one who came closest to your meaning of perfect.

So if you truly love that someone, be glad that he/she was able to escape this horrible fate and that you were the one who saved him/her from it. Be glad that he/she was spared the torture of seeing you together happily with another person. Be glad that he/she needn't be crying every night, struggling to face life everyday, having to spend V day and Christmas Eve alone, if you truly love him/her, be glad for all these.

Now, I know not the meaning of true love, but I learned from the movies that it is something to do with wishing your beloved to be happy, always happy, even if he/she chooses not to be with you. I have no idea whether such thing exists in this world and if it does, I say there is still hope for the world.

The thing is, if your beloved chooses to be with another, then most probably it means he/she for this moment is happier with another. According to the movies' definition of true love, I suppose all we can do is wish him/her the best and move on. Be happy for she is happy and that is all that matters, at least that's what the movies all say.

So if you truly love him/her, let him/her go.

Now all we can do is listen to the song by the Corrs, 'Everybody hurts' and at the end of the song, when we finish hurting, we move on. It's not easy, in fact it's so god damn painful but no one ever said life was easy.

The Perfect Girl

Funny, I never thought about it before, I see no point in doing so. I believe sometimes we do not know what we want till we see the thing we want so I choose not to waste my thoughts on picturing what my dream girl would be like. Also, I believe that there is a finite number of thoughts you can conjure up in your mind and once you used up all these thoughts, the term “brain-dead” comes in, and that’s why some people fall into comas.

Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies, Lost in Translation. If you people have been following my blog long enough, I’m sure you all know I’m addicted to movies. Perhaps it’s just my way of escaping reality. Anyway, all that translates to is:

• To be my girl to love, you have to love movies. I strongly believe what kind of movies you watch or choose not to watch says a lot about who you are. And I’ll often quote from some movie out of the blue. Therefore, to keep up with me, you’ll have to watch plenty and plenty of movies.

• You have to be blessed with the ability to laugh at the silliest things, the un-funniest of things because I do not have a good sense of humor but the worst thing about it is, I think I do. Therefore, the ability to laugh at all things is the most important survival tool you’ll need if you want my company. It’ll also fool me into thinking you are smart enough to understand me.

• You have to make me laugh. I have a pretty fat face and they say laughing makes your face slimmer and as some smart Alec said, “Beauty is the promise of happiness”, so make me laugh and you’ll be promising me happiness.

• You cannot be talkative, even if you are, try not to show it. Allow me moments of peace when I need to. There is a time for everything, talk only when it is time to.

• You have to be intellectual, but intellectual enough to know when not to be intellectual. Tough eh? That’s what I call intellectual. Because I do not have the highest self-esteem so if you are too smart, my sense of self will be threatened by you.

• You have to be cute. Hmm… perhaps around 161cm in height. Don’t worry, I’m around 176, so subtract 10 from that and that means girls that are 166 and below all have the privilege to wear high heels when we go on dates.

If you fulfill all the above criteria, please post your email under the comments for this post, I’ll email you my email so you can email me your photo and CV. All the best!

Fear of falling

If you’re in love, just fall in love, why think so much?!

I guess why we think so much is because falling in love means losing control, because falling in love means placing your happiness in another person’s hands, because falling in love means handing your heart out to another person and he/she has this power to crush it or to flower it with love.

And the fear is amplified nowadays because so many of us are just out there playing with this thing called love. Just because one can’t love oneself enough , he/she seeks this lack of love from others, seducing, flirting to make others fall in love with him/her. And so he/she thinks, “If there are so many other people like me, how bad can I be? I must be kinda good right?” And he/she sleeps better at night while his victims toss and turn, unable to get that fucking person outta their minds.

And that is why falling in love is so hard? Because after falling one too many times, we learn how to protect ourselves. We become more afraid of falling, of even trying. We shield ourselves, like a porcupine, keeping others at a distance.

(Talking to the players) Why do we have this need to hurt others so we can make ourselves feel better? That is so god damn selfish of us. The only excuse: I’m sure most of us didn’t do this consciously, it’s like we have this need to be liked and so we go about satisfying this basic need, much like if we’re hungry we eat to appease our hunger.

So people, if you’re hungry, please do not be a heartnivore and go heart-hunting, change your taste, be a vegetarian, find other sources or alternatives to appease this raging hunger in you so as to make the world a better place.

Alone = Incomplete

I used to think in the past that one should be happy, self-sufficient before one can be qualified to fall in love, but what if one is unhappy in the first place? So what? You try making yourself happy? Until one is happy then can one fall in love? But what if, what if you are unable to make yourself happy? Then what? You aren’t supposed to fall in love then?

"I've tried just making myself happy. She's tried making herself happy.
It doesn't work. You need other people to make you happy."

This was taken from the movie, About A Boy, another must watch film.

What if, what if we were programmed, what if it was hard-wired into our mind that the only way to be happy, is to be with others, and that there is no way one can ever be happy being an island. Well, not really...

"Every man is an island. And I stand by that.
But clearly, some men are part of island chains.
Below the surface of the ocean they're actually connected."

(Also from the movie)

And so, the point is, we all have this very basic need to connect and relate to others, we need other people to make us happy. So I take back my words about how one should be happy before one can fall in love.

Anyway, What the heck! If you’re in love, just fall in love, we'll never be completely ready for love anyway.

Do nice guys really finish last?

Imagine you are shopping, you see a big sales signboard ahead, "80% off!". You sprint to the shop with the speed of a cheetah and you find, on the shelves, a bunch of nice guys, piled with dust, screaming out to be taken. You skimmed through them, hoping to find one that would appeal to you. You look through once, you look through twice. Sad to say, you cannot find even a single reason to convince yourself to buy any of them.

Nice guys = Boring guys. I'm sorry but it's true, or so I think from a girl's point of view. But I'm not a woman so fear not nice guys, there is still hope.

But what actually is a nice guy?

Perhaps when girls say a guy is too nice, what they mean is that the guy is too gentlemanly, too chivaralous, too considerate, too ... (every good attritibute that you can list out). Bottomline: Too predictable.

Deep down, I believe we all like to be surprised. We want thrill, we love passion. We want the naked rawness. Being nice, being polite seems only a facade, because deep down within everyone of us boils a larvae of passion.

Therefore, being nice is simply being a hypocrite. Concealing your deep passions just to market yourself more likable, or so you think.

We actually like people just to be themselves. We actually wish to see a glimpse of their dark side. Because only when we see your dark side do we then believe you are normal, or being real to us. When someone is too nice, it also makes us feel bad about ourselves upon comparison and that is one reason why nice guys fail too. Because the whole point of two people getting together is to make each other feel better.

When people are just being themselves, then can we be comfortable with each other. I believe being nice is in fact a form of barrier to deeper human communications, what do you think?

Deadliest Drug in the Universe

Romance movies are nice. They are plot-less but nice. They are hollow but nice. They are not intricate, they are not complex, they are as love is supposed to be, simple, and most of all, they are just nice.

They just make you feel so good. If edible, they'd taste just like chocolate in your mouth, which is ranked as the 2nd most pleasurable thing after sex in the realms of women.

But Beware. They are actually one of the most deadliest forms of drugs in disguise. They lift you up so high when you are consuming them but after the effects of the drugs wear off, you'd be falling down to earth faster than little girls falling in love, which is the only thing faster than the speed of light.

You wake up, you become more disappointed with reality, the pain is even more unbearable, and you become addicted to the romance movies like alcoholics to alcohol, like men to sex. That is why endless romance movies are churned out every year. Because the consumption of these drugs takes away our pain, which is good, and also bad. For it raises your expectation of love, it polarizes you to idealise the perfection of love, the fairy tale happy ending which in turn subconsciously places more burden on your partner's shoulders and they will eventually crumble under the weight of love.

Music n Lyrics, Sex n Soul

Alex Fletcher: Lyrics are important. They're just not as important as melody.
Sophie Fisher: A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex.
Alex Fletcher: I so get that.
Sophie Fisher: But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the 2 that makes it magical.

From the movie Music and Lyrics.

That was so BEAUTIFULLY expressed. I guess I’m a shallow person then, because everytime I listen to a song, I get so immersed in the melody that I hear nothing but the melody. I seriously suspect it's due to my being musically inclined. But, according to Dear Ms Sophie (Drew Barrymore), that is also equivalent to me being attracted to the sex part only, and not bothering about finding out the lyrics, the person underneath, the absolute soul of the song.

I beg to differ. A melody speaks too. Sex speaks too. They use a language other than words, a more powerful one, a more basic one. They speak emotions, they talk feelings. Words are you know, JUST WORDS. They ARE constraints by themselves, constrained by their very own soul and essence, their meaning. Poor creatures they are, trapped in their own souls, literally. Humans are complex. Emotions are complex. Words are simply not enough.

That is why we turn our back on words and head towards music, or even art, to express what we are unable to do so in words.

I guess sometimes the very reason we write, draw or even compose is due to a very basic need to express ourselves. To 'speak', to 'talk', without being interrupted. And the best way to do so -- to 'talk' to someone who listens, ourselves.

"Don't be afraid to talk to yourself. It's the only way you can be sure someone's listening. "

Can Men and Women ever be simply friends?

Harry Burns: It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

“When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

I suffer from STD, yes, small talk disorder. Every time there's silence, I'll feel compelled to utter something, and chances are, something unintelligible will plonk out of my mouth.

If you want a measurement of love, this is a good ruler. If you can sit with your other half and feel at ease without having to talk, then, it just shows that you two are extremely comfortable with each other. Haha, so this love can be friendship as well, for this is when you feel no need to impress each other, where you can just be yourself and not have to put on a mask for once.

Below are some excerpts from the movie When Harry Met Sally which are terribly funny.

Harry Burns: Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

[Harry and Sally discussing orgasms]
Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry Burns: Well, they haven't faked it with me.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because I know.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. That’s right. I forgot. You’re a man.
Harry Burns: What was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. It’s just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.

And this was followed by one of the funniest scenes in the movie. I don't want to spoil it if you haven't watch it so do catch the movie if you have time.

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”

Berflegump

My lover and I will be out for a ride. He’ll be driving and say,

“I’m taking Route 295 to the bridge. What do you think?”

And I say, “Berflegump hipple dip.”

He’ll say, “I’m hungry. I’m stopping at that diner.

What do you think?”

And I answer, “Quiddy diddle quank blurp.”

Why am I speaking gibberish?

Because I understand.

He’s one of those new sensitive kind of guys,

Who knows enough to ask me what I think –

But he hasn’t quite evolved to the point where he cares about the answer.

Flash Rosenberg

Homer Simpson once said, “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”

Though I’m not born a woman, I was born from a woman. And that means to a certain extent I do understand a bit about women. I was in a woman for 9 months before I was heaved out into this pathetic world. So during my 9 month stay inside a woman, I kept hearing the same complaints over and over again, that men don’t listen, and even if they do, they simply don’t care.

But seriously, I think men or women, few of us really listen to what the other person is saying. Sad to say, few of us really care, because sometimes, we are too engrossed in our own tiny world. Now now, I’m not saying it is wrong, again, we are born this way, it is inevitable we see things only from our own perspective.

The true art of listening, is to listen to what is being said, and most importantly, what is not being said.

One of the themes in a very famous but seriously quite boring play, “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett, also touches upon the theme of listening. Frankly speaking, it touches on a lot of themes, Beckett is a touchy old fella. I once suggested to my Prof that Beckett is homosexual to liven up the class a bit but I was met with vehement disapproval. It set me thinking, hmm… , is my Prof a practitioner of homosexualism as well? But seriously, I have no prejudice against homosexuals. I say there are 3 kinds of gender, men, women and homosexuals. Apparently, the person who genderised us was only interested in tits, so he divided the world into people with tits, and people without. What can we say? This person must be a man.

Let me end off with this from fight club,

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

Thanks to I., Ive been invited to write on his blog, which is a real honour.

A lot of people in this world have been misled to think that if they cannot do without someone, then that is love. That love is when the other person makes you feel complete. I think we can only love someone else if we love ourselves enough, if we are emotionally strong and independent.

3 relationships past, I still believe in love. Its never a tool to make ourselves feel better, nor a scapegoat, let alone just to kill time! Love is a far bigger word, and a feeling that cannot be described. I think education has destroyed us, we question what love is, we think too much. Love is simple. Its not supposed to be complicated. You will know it when you love someone, and if you really do, it doesnt matter what the definition is.

What is LOVE?

Do you love because you are loved?
Or are you loved because you love?

Do you love someone because you need that someone?
Or do you need that someone because you love that someone?

Yes, love is a damn confusing thing. It makes the simple complex, the beautiful ugly. Some believe it is lust in disguise. Some believe it doesn't exist. So the question is, what is love?

Below is my own definition of love.

Love is

- created for us to find a scapegoat so we can blame the goat for every fucking thing that goes wrong in our messed up lives

- a tool to make us feel better about ourselves. With love, we con ourselves into thinking we are such good people, giving unconditionally in the name of love. But seriously, how many of us give without expecting some form of return or another?

- created to kill time and boredom. Find love and you'll never know the meaning of boredom again. They are mutually exclusive creatures. Trouble, on the other hand, is Love's best pal.

"Love kills Time
and Time kills Love."

My very own quote and I'm very proud of it, Haha.

So for once, Mr Shakespeare is WRONG! To be or not to be, that is NOT the question. What is this thing called love? That is the question.

People, do you think true love exists in this world?

Why I'm Still Single

Some people don't believe I'm single,
Some believe I must have contracted some secret illness or something,
Some believe I'm gay,
Some believe I'm Spidey and they themselves Mary Jane and that I chose not to be with them because I fear for their safety...

And the list goes on and on.

So, I've decided to dispel all these myths once and for all.

No, I'm not Spidey. 'With great powers comes great responsibilites', I so damn wished I were, but I'm not. (I adore Kirsten Dunst but somehow I just can't spell her name)


Why I'm still single.

• Women are known to be the world's most powerful money-reducing agent. I've no money and I don't want to be poorer than poor, I still harbour ambitions to run my own business therefore I simply can't afford women.
• Women are time-sucking vampires. I'm still studying and the workload is hell, and I love to read and watch movies and play soccer and watch soccer so suck any more time from me and I will be drained of my life. For life is made up of time and minutes. Take away my minutes and you take away my life.
• Some women boil at nothing, and freeze without reason. It's amazing how they can survive such rapid expansion and contraction, even the toughest of rocks couldn't stand it.
  

Most Importantly, I haven't met THE ONE AND ONLY ONE.

Perhaps if I did,
I wouldn't care if she reduced all my wealth,
I wouldn't care if she sucked the living life out of me (metaphorically ;p),
I wouldn't care if she boils at nothing or freezes without reason,
For love is without reason.

I guess that explains why we are so unreasonable sometimes,
we are simply being in love.

Infidelity

A reversible change is a transformer transforming. Autobots or Decepticons, they can change from robots to vehicles and vice versa.

An irreversible change is the creation of a life through the lust of 2 beings amidst much shrieking and grunts, or perhaps only the lust of one.

"In general, I think it true that
women fuck to love
and men love to fuck."
~Carrie Fisher

So is infidelity a reversible or irreversible change?

I believe it is irreversible. Things will never ever be the same again. It's comparable to Eve and Adam eating the forbidden fruit, the breach of trust, except one is the original sin whereas infidelity is the pirated sin.

Should one then forgive the sinner?

To err is human. We are not perfect and are bound to make mistakes. I say, forgive. But before you go all angelic and do the forgiving, make the sinner suffer like hell. He deserves to be punished. Guilt him. Make the sinner believe he is really gonna lose you. Make him realize what life is like without you. Let him learn to appreciate you more. After he has learnt his lesson then do you forgive him. But make sure you try to forgive him as much as possible and try not to bring this up everytime you quarrel. It's understandable that it will never be forgotten, but we try, we try to forgive as much as we could, for one day, we ourselves could be the sinners.

However, if it the sinner commits the same crime again, then let him go, he is simply just not worth having.

There is no fire without a spark. A relationship is 2 people fulfilling each other's need. So perhaps one cause of infidelity is needs not being met. The victim could then maybe do some reflecting and ask herself if she is trying her best to meet her partner's needs.

"A woman should understand a man more than she loves him;
a man should love a woman more than he understands her."

Because change is the only constant in this world, we are always changing, our needs are always changing. Therefore we have to keep updating ourselves with our partner's needs similar to the updating of anti virus programs, windows patch etc.... Too often we get lazy in relationships and stop updating, that's when all the viruses come in and the system crashes.

Prevention is better than cure they say, so don't be lazy, keep up with the updates. If you can be bothered to protect your PC, why can’t you do the same for your love?

Why non-players pose as players?

Let's look at it another way, what if the player posers aren't actually posing as players but merely misunderstood by women?

Perhaps women view flirts=players but they aren't exactly identical.

What if the guy is merely flirting just because it's fun? We all have to admit a little flirting is fun. Most people could do with a little extra attention in their lives. It makes your day less dreary, it doesn't have to be about sex. It is a way to take life less seriously. It keeps things light and makes the date seem less like an interview for a suitable reproductive candidate to aid in the passing on of your genes.

One shouldn't even be flirting at all, you might say. But seriously, or not so seriously, what bad would a little flirting do?

If the intention of flirting is merely just for the fun of it, to brighten up each other's day with a little sunshine, then it's definitely healthy so why not?

Perhaps the guy is merely flirting for fun to make his mundane life a little less boring. Or perhaps that is the only way he knows how to interact with girls? Remember the young little disgusting boys who used to pull your hair, make fun of you, tease you? It's not because they dislike or resent you, it's the only way they know to capture your attention.

Ok, let's presume the guys really are acting like players then. Why so?

Players are well-respected by guys, in a way. They are portrayed as having the charm and ability to 'win' beautiful trophies, beautiful girls. Yes, girls are sort of viewed like trophies. The prettier the girl, the more respect the guy wins. Yes yes, most guys are stained with vanity.

Guys act like players because they desire respect, and perhaps underneath the 'playful' mask lies a lack of self-esteem that has to be earned by trying to gain the acknowledgement of others.

Unrequited Love

Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, they just can't love you back in the same way. It almost seems a law of nature that the one you want never wants you back while the ones who want you are not those who you want.

"Follow love and it will flee,
Flee love and it will follow thee."

We're all part of the big cosmic joke, maybe we are not supposed to be happy. Love forever looms on the horizon, like the rainbow, beautiful to look at but just always out of reach. Is love merely a hallucination conjured up by our thirst for a meaning in life?

If I were the creator, I wouldn't have created such a mutually dependent system. I would've edited the source code of this world so that we will be born complete and all we need are ourselves. We have sex with ourselves, we deliver our own babies, in other words, just a world where every man is an island. (Hmmm... Perhaps I would reconsider the sex part. After all, it is god's gift to us, we should learn to reciprocate sometimes ...)

The Beatles once asked, where do all the lonely people in the world come from?

I say, there are 2 kinds of lonely people. The loneliest and the lonely. The loneliest are those who choose to be with someone who can't love you back the way you love him/her, that is way way ever lonelier than being alone. The lonely people are simply those who are alone. (Fortunately, I belong to the lesser of 2 evils)

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling for second best and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” Carrie from Sex and The City

'Butterflies' refers to the feeling in your stomach when you are nervous and hopeful all at once. My advice, if you don't want to be relegated to the group of loneliest, never settle for anything less than butterflies. So people, friends, if you are lonely, like me, count your blessings, at least we are not as lonely as the loneliest.

Loneliness is indeed the modern man's disease. (Don't worry, I'm not going to start a GP essay) It is the biggest pain one can ever experienced. Luckily, we have painkillers to get us through – friends, and families.

Sometimes, all we lonely people need to know is that we are not alone in this world.

BEATLES lyrics

How to identify a player?

Player: An Actor. EG. All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players. Shakespeare.

Tongues: An alien language as well as an instrument for licking.


According to Sir William Shakespeare (whom thee hates to the core for torturing me with his 'tongues'), all men and women are players. For just this once, he earned my consensus.

In ancient times, people often have the misconception that the world is flat. It is no different now. Women often have the misconception that a player = a guy. In truth, players = guys/gals who are non-practitioners of monogamy and have a tendency towards promiscuity.

As the saying goes, it takes one to know one. If you are a player (gal), you would know a player (guy), so congrats, you are born with the innate gift to spot players. If you are not, please read on.

1. A true player will never show his cards. My point being, ANYONE could be a player, TRUST NO ONE!
2. A player keeps his love/dating profile low, if he practices the tactic of divergence when questioned, be suspicious.
3. Most players drive, you gotta be rich to play.
4. Birds of the same feather flock together, observe his group of friends closely.
5. Plant spies around him. Networking is very important, socialize with his friends, more importantly, his friends' girlfriends. Give one another mutual support. Test his friends out subtly about his past and see if the facts are congruent.
6. Trust your best friends' intuition. Love is blind, so are you.
7. Find some way to get your hands on his phone and check his inbox and outbox for flirty SMSes other than yours.
8. Only resort to this if all else fails. Use your friend as bait to fish him out. Point of caution: If your friend is real real hot stuff, you might have converted a non-player to a player.
   

I can resist anything but temptation. Oscar Wilde

P.S Here's an idea ladies. Create a website and list all the players on the "most unwanted" list, but make VERY sure they are REAL players before crucifying them because unlike the one, they do not have the power to rise from the dead.

What turns men on?

Men prefer looks to brains because most men can see better than they can think.
Germaine Greer

1) Long hair is a must.

2) Large adorable eyes. Perhaps you can try putting on some make-up to enhance the size of your eyes or you could use those 'make your pupils larger' contact lenses.

3) The most common misconception women have, beauty=thin. In actual fact, men prefer plump to thin, Jennifer Lopez to Keira Knightly. So it's really ok to indulge in your best male friends, Ben and Jerry once in a while.

4) Too much of anything is no good. Too much make-up makes you look like a geisha or those traditional operea chinese singers which seriously, isn't too appealing to men. So ladies, sure you can put on make up, but do make it natural-looking .

5) Cute-looking girls. Cute as in babyish looking. So better cash in while you are still babyish. Defy your parents, go “pa to” when you are young, that way, you stand a better chance of catching a better man. If not, prepare to hustle and bustle with other spinsters for the "cheap" leftovers sold at discounted prices.

6) Why do men have difficulty making eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Need I say more?

Disclaimer: The above views are those of my own. The reader has the discretion to determine in what manner she wishes to comply with the above recommendations. I shall not be liable for any false hopes, dateless nights that may arise from its use.

WHY MEN LIE?

“Can I get into trouble for something I haven't done?” asked the student.
“No,” replied the Headmaster.
“Good – I haven't done my homework.”

Lie: noun, an action in which one person deliberately sets out to mislead another.

1) A man lies to make himself look good, for example to win respect or sex appeal. Men love to lie about how wild they were when they were young.
2) Men lie to avoid arguments.

The good thing about men is we know our weaknesses, that we are not good liars or rather, women nowadays are too sharp so we come up with this strategy that as long as we don't lie to ourselves, the women wouldn't be able to detect the 'lies'.

A couples goes shopping and the woman tries on a bikini.

“Honey, what do you think of this bikini?”
I think the bikini doesn't cover enough of your saggy breasts.

Always tell the truth – and then run.
PROVERB

The man being too tired to run after countless hours of shopping then chooses the path of least collision. “Words fail me,” replied the man followed by his imitation of a most dashing George Clooney smile.

The woman thinks he is smiling at her wanton figure.
The guy is in fact smiling at his own ingenuity having managed to avoid a war.

It's an injustice the person who invented Email and SMS didn't win a Nobel. How many arguments have been avoided through the advent of email?

Word of advice to fellow guys. If possible, never try lying to a woman face to face, best to use SMS or Email. Women have a tremendous sixth sense, not the “I see dead people” sense but the “I smell fishy lies” sense.

A word of defense for the men. We lie to avoid wars and casualties (emotional). We lie because it is in our nature to make ourselves look good, you can't fault a lion hunting his prey for food, neither can you fault us for trying to make ourselves look good. The bottom line is, we're just being ourselves, we're just being men.

Do you love someone because she is beautiful or is she beautiful because you love her?

I love someone because she is beautiful and she is even more beautiful because I love her. Both 'beautiful' have little essence of the physical side but more on beauty as a whole, beauty as a person. In order to like someone, you have to find her beautiful. Now now, don't go all superficial. The beauty I'm referring to doesn't mean physical beauty only, for me to define 'beauty' in words is to undermine the beauty of beauty. How do you explain to your loved one why you like him or her? In the mandarin version of Fifty First Dates, Louis Khoo was asked that question and so he thought about it for an entire day before finally realizing that you don't need a reason to like someone, you like her simply because you like her. You find her beautiful because you find her beautiful.

SPG(Single Picky Girl) Janice once said she would love to hear a man say to her, “You make me want to be a better man,” just like some actor whose name unfortunately escapes my tiny brain at this point of time in the movie “As Good As It Gets”. Similarly, I would SO love to hear my girl utter the words, “You make me want to be a better woman.”

Just Kidding! It's so GU NIANG (sissy)! Perhaps I'm an MCP but it just sounds weird...

I guess women's main concern is whether her man likes her for her looks only or likes her for just being her. The curse of the beautiful, life is fair after all.

When it comes to guys, love is a procession of stages. The preliminary stage functions to filter out unsuitable candidates, basic criteria to look out for: LOOKS! We are not looking out for extreme beauties mind you, just someone pleasant looking which is of course subjective to every guy. In fact, my dream girl or girls wouldn't be the super models nor the so called 'Chio Bus', just some sweet and pleasant girl next door. It's just like I would prefer the Kopitiam Breakfast set of "Loti", eggs and "Kopi" then a plate of shark fins for breakfast everyday. Shark fins are nice for occasional treats but they are too 'rich' too 'intense' to be eaten everyday. The 'Loti', eggs and 'Kopi' are the true simple pleasures of life that I will never grow sick of. The same goes for my taste of ladies.

If you fail the first audition, don't be discouraged, if the guy is any worth your liking at all, he would spare you a 2nd chance based on the 'feel' or 'chemistry' between the 2 of you. If his 'feel' for you is strong enough to make him want to be a better man and overcome his emphasis on physical beauty, then congratulations, it's time to dish out Robbie William's “Better Man”.

"Send someone to love me,
I need to rest in arms ... "